I raged typed this in twenty minutes
This week is going to be a short post for a few reasons:
I’m lazy
The subject matter makes me so actively mad that I might foam at the mouth
I’m also ugly
Now. This week’s cult is not a “cult” in the traditional sense, but nevertheless, a cult it is. From Dictionary.com, the definition is as follows:
noun
noun: cult; plural noun: cults
a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object.
a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister.
a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing.
a person or thing that is popular or fashionable, especially among a particular section of society.
So without further ado, I present: Burning Man.
I will not be including images, but Flume ate ass—yes, a whole ass—on stage during his set. People have rushed to his defense because the ass-ee was his girlfriend. Simply put, I do not give a solitary fuck. Eat ass, don’t eat ass, but please, spare me this gruesome tale. Do not empower my coworkers to delight in this, gleefully recounting the act at 9 AM and telling me how much they eat ass too. Yes, Dylan. I’m calling you out.
Then the Burning Man event team, between lines of coke and sporadically Ted Talking at each other, sat up and thought, “hm, you know what would make ass town even better? Children.”
Yes. People are bringing their human bed bugs to Burning Man.
From Business Insider: The Baby Burners Project — @babyburners on Instagram — aims to provide "proof that children belong at Burning Man."
That sentence just game me gastroenteritis.
Speaking of human waste: dumping (literally and figuratively) is illegal at Burning Man (did you know that the actual grounds of Burning Man are referred to as the playa? Because of course they are). You get porta-potties in the desert and a sheet of single-ply toilet paper. Rich people actually paid to humiliate themselves like this. Incredible.
Make sure not to Hulk out and just take a shit on the ground. It’s easy to forget that rule, so luckily the good people of Burning Man dot org remind us here:
To conclude this particular nightmare: the DollsKill catalog, anthropomorphized. Elon Musk apologists. A ball pit full of children. Feces.
And Jesus wept.