Jared Leto Started a Cult
How fun! Jared Leto took the final step to fully embrace his Jesus persona (not the biblical Christ, who was a dark-skinned Jew, but the Aryan prototype you’ll see in a Hallmark Christmas movie, telling a woman via her dreams that she would be happier if only she quit her city job and moved to Kansas with that boy who looks like a band-aid).
For the low price of $995 (flights and travel NOT included, you poors), you can join Leto in Croatia. Behold! Gaze upon your dead-eyed lord, sing joyful tribulations as the Adriatic breeze caresses his nightgown and Kate Middleton hair.
If you really care about your spiritual journey, $6,499 will grant you private counsel with the messiah himself. To discuss what? Not sure, take your pick.
The “Mars Island” excursion, which took place just last week, was billed as a “festival experience” where devout fans (known amongst themselves as “The Echelon”) can do activities worthy of the six grand price tag, like practice yoga and swim in a pool. The only pictures I could find, however, were of Leto speaking to his eager crowd of listeners (still in prophet cosplay) or making pilgrimages around the island with his flock trailing behind. He’s also seen wearing flip flops, which I fucking hate for everyone involved.
My new favorite bible verse from the book of Leto is Romans 28:
And we know that in all things Jared Leto works for the good of those who love him, who have been called to Croatia and spent six thousand dollars to get there.
I also love Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, loose clothing, open toed shoes, vacant eyes, watching the Wild, Wild Country documentary for research, and FIJI Water(TM). Against such things there is no law.
It should be noted that though 30 Seconds to Mars and Leto are embracing the title of “cult,” they, and their followers, seem to consider this tongue-in-cheek, with tweets like:
“Yes it is and I'm proud to say I am one of the believers.
Thank you for the best 3 days of my life. #LiveLikeADream #MarsIsland #MarsIsland2019 #yesthisisacult #youwouldntunderstand” (via Twitter user @altum68)
I guess I just don’t understand! Sucks to be this ugly and dumb and not cloaked in white, I suppose!
Definitely the worst thing about this are the feet.
In Leto’s Name we Pray,
Tiana